I really find myself devoid of happiness.
Okay,maybe not happiness,stuff to do that can make me happy.
I used to watch anime to be happy.But it dosent last.
Mainly because as Im watching them,I put off alot alot of things.
Communication with my Mum,my sis.Homework.
But yet animes can bring me a story,which is something anyone,of any walk of life can appreciate.
So what lasts?

Music?
Yeah,music definitely is something that can cheer me up.
It certainly helps to be a musician,where you can feel every note that's filling the air.
You are part of the music.
You help to make it happen.
Sometimes when I play,I just close my eyes and listen to the band while I play.
It's beautiful.Being so close to something that is so warming.
Any sort of music; rock, pop, classical, jazz, they all bring something so special.
But band practice isnt everyday.
How about band friends? They ought to be there always, can just pick up the ringer, and start chatting.
But as all of us start to grow and mature. We meet different people.
Less time is given to those who has passed, while more is given to know those who are passing.
Maybe it is partially my fault that some bonds which were closer are now more foreign. But what can I do to make up for the past even if I really regret it?
The sad reality hits me hard.

Nothing.

How about spending family time?
I guess that makes me happy too.
There was this day when I agreed to go pick durians in Pulau Ubin with my Dad, uncle and their friends.
At 2am.
I guess that's the only catch. The time.
So something happened on the way there. We were drinking coffee in the car. And when the coffee finishes.We had 2 empty coffee bags.
The car came to a halt at the red light.
Beside us, a garbage truck pulled over also.
My Dad said, ' If only it was a little further in front,we can throw the coffee bags at the back of the truck'
Lols,I laughed. May not seem funny, but my dad's a kidder. And it is funny when he says it.
When we started moving again, he drove extra slowly.
Just as I was wondering why, he scrolled the windows down and said, ' Ehhs,throw it!'
I was like, 'Really?!?'
I thought it was a joke,but it wasnt.
And he was just saying, ' Yeah! Just aim properly ar! '
I was like laughing when I threw away the bags.
But at the sametime, flashbacks flooded my mind.
Flashbacks of happy times spent when I was younger. How we used to go out and play often.
And how much age has caught time with him.
How much more white hair he has now.

As I looked out of the window, tears dropped.

What else?
Going out with friends?It sure makes me happy, but also, I spend less time with my family as a cost.
It's only one of them I always engage myself with.
The shorty's missing somewhere.
The malaysian's going to cambridge soon and is always busy.
The fatty's having his own fun at night in his room with his computer.
And holidays are coming to an end.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever be happy now that I know so much more than ever.
I would be happy had my brain remained stagnant since sec 1.
Before I saw how the world was.
I was emotional from I was born. I feel for people in dramas,shows,games,etc.
But vices made me even more emotional.
Someone once said, ' You're too much of a sap for such things.'

I guess I am.